And On and On
by Oh Hello World
Summary: Four years later, Mikan Yukihira returns and discovers that things are somewhat the same, but some things do change over the years like her childhood friend, Natsume Hyuuga. Regardless, they keep moving on and on.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

 **I know I have other unfinished stories that haven't been updated or readers are probably wondering where they're heading, but I wanted to write this one first.**

 _As always, unedited and just a bit silly._

* * *

It had been four years; four long years that felt like only four months at the same time.

Even though she could only see by the dim streetlights and even though she was more than just a little jet-legged, Mikan Yukihira recognized the familiar roads, the turns her father took, the elementary school, the candy store run by the free-spirited Noda, the cherry blossom trees in the park; it was the way back home.

Her mother had fallen asleep hours ago, her father lightly humming along with the barely audible radio, tuned to a station she hadn't listened to in years! She would have to relearn everything! Did Noda still sell the beloved howalon? Was Jinno the Frog still a teacher? Was Natsume still around? Was Central Town still up and running?

The curiosity fueled Mikan, pumping her veins with more and more excitement as her father finally took the last turn onto their old, familiar street. Softly squealing with anticipation, her eyes scoured the landscape, noting that old Serina's house was now painted an electric green, the Hijiris (if they still lived there) had built a nice fence around their yard, there were more trees planted, the pavement had more cracks in it, and on and on.

It was different, but as Mr. Yukihira pulled into the driveway of her childhood home, Mikan knew it would always be the same to her. Barely waiting for her father to turn off the ignition, she shoved her way out of the car, landing on sleepy legs.

She smiled and stretched her limbs, letting out a satisfied groan as she felt a welcome pull in her muscles. A warm breeze tickled her skin where her sweater lifted up.

A groggy Mrs. Yukihira opened her passenger door, hair a little mussed and her eyes sleepy. Nonetheless, she flashed the trademark family smile at her one and only daughter.

"Good to be home?"

Mikan nodded enthusiastically, turning to face the house she left four years ago, the house where she spent the first ten years of her life.

It was exactly the same! Thank goodness the people who lived after (before?) them took good care of it.

"Hey, daughter. We still have to move in," her father reminded jokingly as he opened the trunk and started unloading their suitcases.

Mikan absentmindedly said, "Okay," but still continued to examine the yard and the street and eventually her eyes drifted to the house next door. Her pulse spiked as a thought came to her.

"Mom!" she chirped loudly. "Do the Hyuugas still live next door?"

Yuka Yukihira shrugged as best she could, considering she was holding a heavy suitcase in each hand and had a bag slung over her shoulder. "It's late, Mikan. They're probably asleep by now," she said tiredly as she moved toward the front door.

"Okay, but does that mean they _do_ still live next door?" pressed Mikan as she finally decided to contribute and pick up her luggage.

"Yes, they do," continued her father as he dumped his second set of bags in the front foyer. "But they're sleeping, Mikan, and you have school in the morning. We're a day later than we thought we would be."

"Do I _have_ to go to school?" she complained as she examined her old house. It was so… _bare_. They already had their furniture sent ahead of them, but it was like seeing the bare bones of the house; there was no flesh, there was no _life_.

But that was okay! They'd have it fully decorated in no time! They weren't the "do-it-now-and-do-it-big" cheery Yukihiras for nothing.

Izumi Yukihira sighed before turning to his daughter with a sympathetic frown. "Yes, sweetie. Yes, you do. Your Uncle Kazumi is already very agitated that you missed one day of school. He's been checking in nonstop since we passed by the city."

Mikan groaned before dragging her luggage up the stairs, having for one second the petty thought of banging her suitcases before remembering how completely exhausted her father must be after the long drive and how conked out her mother had been during the entire time.

Her parents had their arms wrapped around each other as they stood in the recently renovated kitchen, their silhouettes illuminated by the homely yellow overhead lights. They needed to unwind.

Mikan needed to unwind. She managed to unpack some of her clothes (notably her school uniform) and put her little trinkets and photos on her desk before she decided to explore some more of the house, take a nice long shower (the last owners had a different showerhead installed and had chosen the cutest shower curtains!), and promptly pass out on her old new (new old?) bed.

* * *

It was a little after 1 AM when Tsubasa dropped him off, not even really that late. Sure, classes started at eight in the morning, but homeroom was a waste of time and did Natsume Hyuuga the genius really need to sit through another calculus lecture?

As he walked up to his house, a glint of moonlight reflected off a car parked next door and caught his eye.

He stopped and so nearly did his heart before it decided to beat double-time. Was she back?

His eyes naturally wandered up to the farthest left window, _her_ room. At least it _was_ her room. Did she get to pick a new room? But most importantly, was she back? All the lights were off in the house, but there was no doubt that the Yukihira car sat in the driveway of the house next door once more.

He resisted the urge to go pounding on their front door or scale the side of the house and knock on her window. Would she wake up if he tossed something at her window? (But was that still her window?) His soccer ball lay temptingly close by the front door.

Oh, God, but _was_ she back? He couldn't remember what his mom had told him; were they coming this week or next week? Had she come back? He could feel a blush spread across his body as he nervously brushed his messy hair away from his face. He couldn't wake her up now; would she be excited to see him? Was she still the same?

He most definitely was not the ten year-old boy Mikan Yukihira had last seen four years ago. He also (he admitted) had been a shit friend when she had been away: not writing back to her letters that eventually stopped coming, not posting much on the few social media platforms he had, barely responding to the video calls between her family and his. He wanted it to be a surprise, he wanted her to be completely stunned by the change; he wanted her to be _impressed_.

Maybe he did have a reason to go to homeroom in the morning.

* * *

Mikan Yukihira was not known to be a punctual person, but when the high school principal was her uncle, she had no choice but to wake up hella early and go to school, arriving at least half an hour before the first bell.

At first she had been grouchy and grumbly about being woken up so early, but as Uncle Kazumi took her on a tour of her new school (the high school she had rarely been in before!), she started to perk up.

She had her own locker, and the gym was so big, and there was a neatly kept track and field out behind the school, and there was even a swimming pool, and on and on!

It was so much bigger than the elementary school!

"I think you'll do very well here," Uncle Kazumi said formally as he showed her the cafeteria. "Our district has had some staff readjustments so I believe you will recognize some familiar faces as your teachers. Narumi Anjou, for instance?"

Mikan's eyes sparkled. "I love Narumi! He's such a wonderful teacher!"

The principal nodded and had a small smile. His brother and his niece's passion and enthusiasm for life had always been a little overwhelming, but it pleased him a lot to see that his niece was already doing so well on her first day back.

"Good. He's your homeroom teacher," Kazumi said as he led her back to the front office. "I have a couple of staff meetings today, but I like to walk around the school and talk to the students so if you are ever feeling overwhelmed or need to take a break, you can find me here in my office or around."

"Oh, thanks Uncle! I think I'll be fine, though." She flashed him the trademark family bright smile before looking around. Students began to trickle in, and she wondered if she could spot any friendly faces so far. Natsume's face and Hotaru's face and Ruka's face meandered through her mind.

In a rare display of affection, her uncle gave her a short hug before wishing her a good day and letting her go.

The first thing she did was text Hotaru that she was finally available to see her!

And as the efficient and responsible friend she was, Hotaru immediately replied, and within five minutes, she was joyously reunited with her friends, the Three Geeky Sisters: Hotaru Imai, Anna Umenomiya, and Nonoko Ogasawara.

They hugged and hugged and laughed and squealed. Or at least Anna, Nonoko, and Mikan did. Hotaru gave her a pat on the head and a somewhat sincere-sounding, "Welcome back."

Luckily for Mikan, they all had the same homeroom, and they spent the last few minutes walking to their classroom and hurriedly catching Mikan up on all she had missed out on.

Sumire Shouda had gained immense popularity and sometimes ran with a different crowd these days, but she could still be counted on for a cathartic shopping trip or a bitch session. Yuu Tobita was the student body president for their class. Yura Otonashi had gotten a little weirder and dabbled in some spooky mystic shit. Misaki Harada was still their lovely senpai who gave them "womanly advice." Koko Yome was still the class clown ("But absolutely disgusting and vulgar for a teenage boy," Hotaru critiqued snobbishly.).

Along the way, a few others recognized Mikan and welcomed her back. In their homeroom, Narumi hadn't arrived yet, but Mikan was having a good time becoming reacquainted with her classmates.

But she had to ask the real question: "What about Natsume? What has he been up to?" She looked around the circle, but nobody answered right away.

Anna and Nonoko exchanged knowing, mischievous glances with each other. Hotaru smirked haughtily, and a couple of other girls giggled to one another.

"He's still around, isn't he?" asked a confused Mikan. What were her friends not telling her? But before she could get a clear response from anyone, another excited face appeared.

"Mikan-chan, is that you?" exclaimed a familiar happy voice. She turned and instantly broke into a wide grin. "Narumi!"

She ran toward him and gave him a huge bear hug, which he returned tightly. He looked as young as he did when he was her kindergarten and fourth grade teacher! His blonde hair was still long, and he wore the same colorful outfits Mikan remembered.

At that point, the bell rang, but none of the students really wanted to go to their seats.

"Class," announced Narumi with his arm around Mikan still, "as you might know, we have an old friend returning to us today! I present to you," he took a dramatic breath, "Miss Mikan Yukihira!"

Her friends started to clap, and soon the class broke into a respectful if not happy applause.

"Thank you, Narumi," she beamed at him before turning to smile at the entire class, "I'm so happy to be back! I can't wait to restart my friendships with all of you!" She scanned the sea of faces, a few she didn't recognize. "If you do not know me yet, please do not hesitate to talk to me. I would love to be your friend!" She directed her smile at those few unfamiliar faces and was happy to see a smile in return. Her group of friends were chattering among themselves, and a couple more classmates came up to reintroduce themselves.

Then the door opened, and everyone became quiet. Before turning toward the door, Mikan happened to look up at Hotaru, who merely wore a smirk on her face and had her eyebrows raised. Anna waggled hers suggestively as she gestured toward the classroom entrance.

For a few moments, Mikan couldn't recognize who it was, and for some reason, she could tell her classmates were all watching her reaction carefully.

He was tall and lean, a soccer ball tucked under his left arm. He wasn't wearing the uniform properly: no blazer and a loose tie. His face was sharp and angular, but his hair was a mess with a severe case of bedhead with hair that fell over his re -

"Oh my God, Natsume, is that you?" It was him! But he looked so different! Even more different than the few pictures she had seen of him over the years!

Mikan walked toward him with a wide grin and open arms. For some reason, he didn't smile back at her like the Natsume she knew four years ago would. Instead, his lips lifted a little in a weak imitation of a smile, but it was smug and arrogant. It told her he was very pleased, but it also told her he had an attitude. It was more a smirk than a smile.

Walking up to him, she didn't realize quite how tall he had grown, but still she wrapped her arms around him ( _he was so tall! And so different!_ ) as best she could. She was thankful and just a bit relieved, that despite his changed appearance, he wrapped his arms around her and returned her hug, his soccer ball forgotten and dropped to the ground.

She pulled away so she could examine his face more thoroughly. She was so happy to see him! He had changed so much, but there was still a quality of Natsume about him, and they were still embracing, but now his hands were holding her face, and his eyes were still that bright color, and now his eyes were closing and his face was getting closer and Mikan didn't know, but -

He kissed her right in front of their entire class without saying one word of welcome.

He was Natsume, and he was her good friend, but he hadn't talked to her at all and she could hear her classmates jeering in the background, and she could feel her face becoming more flushed as Natsume kept his lips against hers.

Before she could react, he pulled away slightly, and she could quite literally feel his body relax and he released a small sigh that ghosted over her wet lips before he tried to go for another kiss.

She pulled away, swerving her head to the side. His eyes opened, and they looked at each other, really looked at each other for the first time in four years.

He hadn't written back in the last two years. He barely said more than a "hello" when their moms video-called each other, always trying to hide and escape from the camera. His little sister, Aoi, had said more to her in the last year than he had in the last four. His online accounts didn't tell her much about what he was doing. She knew he had joined the soccer team because he was tagged in the roster by someone else. The only time she had really taken a good look at his face was when the Hyuugas sent the Yukihiras their Christmas card. She knew he had grown up and looked different, but she didn't realize just how different he was.

When they were young, they were nearly inseparable, and they had developed their own way of communicating through body language and facial expressions.

As teenagers, Natsume and Mikan stood together once more, still holding on to one another, but Mikan looked at Natsume, and Natsume looked back at her.

She knitted her brows and raised her chin to the side.

He had on his wide, innocent eyes and cocked his head to the opposite side.

She frowned. He took a deep breath through his nose. She darted her eyes to the side before returning back to his eyes and she jutted out her bottom lip.

He rolled his eyes before extracting his arms from hers, then he put his hands on her shoulders and said, in a voice she hadn't heard in four years, "Don't worry about it." Lowering his head a little bit more, he gave her a true smile, a genuine Natsume smile, before turning her around and facing the class with her pulled tightly to his side.

Who was this new Natsume?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

 _As always, unedited._

 _Side note: The plot may get much darker and less silly. I tried my best to keep it light, but I have to be real._

* * *

Four years ago, they were ten years old. Mikan's mom, Yuka, was best friends with Natsume's mom, Kaoru, and the two families lived happily next door to each other.

It was generally well known that Mikan Yukihira had two best friends: Hotaru Imai and Natsume Hyuuga. Which actually wasn't that strange considering both best friends had almost identical personalities that were opposite to Mikan's bubbly nature.

It was also generally well known that one day, maybe, Mikan and Natsume would grow up to fall in love. Natsume had very few friends, and she could make him open up like a blooming flower. They were often found stuck to each other's sides, walking to buy some howalon with their hands entwined or reading the same book at the same time in the corner of the elementary school library. Mikan maintained a state of high, _high_ energy most of the day, every day, and Natsume could make her calm down like a soothing balm on a rash.

However, it was also generally well known that Natsume was not happy.

Natsume Hyuuga wasn't just unhappy; he was also chubby. He wasn't _fat_ by any means, but… He was chubby.

Just chubby enough that he had bullies, that he had a blazing, fierce, determined Mikan defend him and protect him on walks home, that he had to see a counsellor every so often to "talk about his feelings."

Natsume had other friends besides Mikan, of course, like Ruka and Yuu and by proximity, even Hotaru could be counted on as a partner for projects or to show up to birthday parties, but it was more than just being chubby that the bullies picked on. He didn't like to talk. He was lazy. As a child, Natsume had a natural "Resting Bitch Face" that highlighted his freakishly short eyebrows and made him look constantly constipated. Any flaw of his, they latched onto and ridiculed.

Mikan made it better. She didn't seem to mind his laziness, his desire for solitude, the inability to keep up with her sometimes, huffing and out of breath. Even before he had decisively fallen in love with her, he sometimes wondered how he deserved her in his life, how he was even worthy of having her attention, how he even managed to be so lucky as to have her as a friend, much less a best friend.

But no matter what, even if Mikan made his life better and made him smile and made him feel good, Natsume was still unhappy with how his life was, how he looked, how he felt. He became even more unhappy when Mikan's parents decided they had to leave.

But now that she was back and now that he was no longer chubby, Natsume should have been happier.

* * *

They only shared three out of six classes together so Natsume was nearly ecstatic when he saw Mikan walking toward the cafeteria during his lunch period.

Mikan hadn't reacted as well as he had hoped to his "welcome back I'm completely in love with you and now that you've returned let's resume where we left off" kiss in homeroom. He knew she had questions, but he and she both knew they didn't want to hash out their personal life in front of their classmates, though some of them probably already knew what was between them.

She let him keep his arm around her, but she insisted she sit next to Hotaru and the other nerdy girls with the colored hair for homeroom, a long ways away from his seat in the back.

He stood by her as she talked to the other classmates, who sent Natsume poorly concealed sly looks as he held her next to him. The reciprocated hand on his back told him that she would talk to him later, but he didn't even know when he would see her next.

Until, finally, lunch!

Unfortunately, Natsume bought his lunch instead of bringing one from home so he had to go through the line, which thankfully did not take a long time due to his reputation and the respect he had already earned, even as a first year student.

And thankfully, Mikan was a friendly talker who loved to say hi to just about every living creature, even the dogs and the bugs.

He spotted her right as he received his lunch. He gently collided with her, his bigger, stronger frame directing her away from her intended path.

"We sit over there," he said, his tone heavily implying the _we_ as in "We, you and me, Mikan, are going to sit together for lunch." With a lift of his chin, he gestured toward a table where Mikan could see a line of athletic boys, some wearing soccer jerseys.

She looked at him without a smile. " _We_ sit over there." She pressed against him and bumped toward a table where Hotaru and some other classmates were already sitting.

They were at a standstill, both their bodies pushing against one another to go different directions.

She stared intensely at him. He stared her down.

She shifted her head to the right and lowered her chin.

He smirked and hummed a little.

She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips.

Then he smiled at her again, a familiar one that she recognized from long ago.

"I know a place," he said simply, transferring his tray stacked with food to one hand and grabbing her empty hand with his free one.

And off they went.

* * *

"I thought it would be okay," he said softly, almost whining. He wanted to kiss her again, but she only let him have one on the cheek when they arrived at the largest cherry blossom tree, tucked away in a corner of campus.

Mikan rolled her eyes as she ate another piece of beef from the box in her lap. "Not in front of everyone, and especially not on the first day!"

"What about now? Just you and me here," he said quickly. They sat close to one another, his legs spread so his right leg was behind her while she sat in between, her own legs slung over his left.

She stuffed her mouth with a large bite of rice, then _glared_ at him before looking back at her food. He felt to the urge to kiss her anyway, but she most definitely said no, and he knew better than to test that boundary.

Instead he settled for playing with the ends of her hair.

He had seen the pictures of her and her family that were sent to his family throughout the years, but it was a whole different experience to have her right in front of him, the details of her face so sharply defined.

Her hair color lightened, and she no longer wore her hair in two pigtails but rather free and flowing. But her eyes were the same, the freckles on her face so recognizable, the curve of her lips so familiar.

She was Mikan; four years hadn't changed her.

She swallowed her food before asking, almost cautiously, "So what's new with you?"

"I joined the soccer team," he replied absentmindedly; it was what most of his classmates couldn't stop mentioning about him. "Probably going to make varsity this year, which is pretty shocking apparently, for a first year."

"Yeah, I saw that on your Facebook," she said automatically. This conversation didn't feel like the one they should have been having; it felt like they were skirting around something deeper. "So are you super into sports now or….?" Where was she even going with this? What was she trying to learn? She scooped another bite of rice into her mouth just so she didn't have to talk.

He shrugged casually, his bright eyes firmly attached to the sight of her. Mikan felt Natsume's fingers continuously twiddle with her hair. "It fills up my time, and I got people looking out for me. Some of the seniors, though… " He shook his head, unable to finish that sentence, a small chuckle bubbling in this throat.

Mikan stopped eating and looked at him, and he knew what was coming next. Mikan was direct and honest and open; four years hadn't changed her.

"Natsume, really, I want to know what you've been up to. You never wrote back, and I've barely seen you these last four years. You _look_ different." She took another opportunity to really search his body with her eyes. He sat up straighter. " You've changed. I knew you had lost some weight and everything, but… Are you happy now?"

"Do you like it?" he asked nervously, puffing out his chest and completely ignoring her last question. "Change is good. It's okay that I'm a little different."

A bit irked that he had glossed over the most important thing she wanted to know, she said, "As long as you're still the same Natsume I know, but are you happier now?"

Smoothly, he leaned forward and rested his chin on her shoulder, "I'm happy with you here again." Mikan tilted her head so she could rest her head on Natsume's, both of them supporting one another. She sighed, her shoulders dropping a little.

"I'm happy with you, too, Natsume."

* * *

He was not the same Natsume Hyuuga she knew, the one she had left four years ago. Mikan knew by the way their shared teachers reacted when Mikan and Natsume walked into their next two classes: eager friendliness for Mikan, surprise and delight for Natsume.

Mikan could deduct from those little clues and from the little birds chirping in her ear how this new Natsume behaved. He was lazy, but in his academics and no longer in his personal life. He skipped classes or he took naps during class, but he still performed well, frustrating his teachers over the misuse of his potential brainpower. He had garnered respect from his fellow classmates by force, but he wasn't known to be... _violent._

His social life revolved around soccer; he introduced Mikan to soccer player after soccer player, some of whom she recognized vaguely from elementary like Mochu. He had acquaintances on the other sports team, and apparently the team really connected him with the upperclassmen.

Suddenly, it seemed as though everyone felt they had the right to be involved with Natsume Hyuuga's personal life whereas the young Natsume was barely acknowledged except when he was being picked on.

Countless girls had approached her and told Mikan how lucky she was to snag the "almighty hottie" and expressed their envy. Apparently, nobody had ever seen Natsume so affectionate to any person, not even the supposed plethora of girls he had dated.

"But he totally didn't. We all knew he was and _still is_ totally in love with you," explained Nonoko unconvincingly during chemistry. "That's just a rumor. Natsume, the _new_ Natsume, would scare off any girl who talked to him. He's just so… _gruff_."

"I cannot confirm anything for sure, but many hearts have been broken by your homeboy," Sumire wrote back on the note Mikan had discreetly passed to her during history class.

"Find Tashiro and ask him what he thinks about Natsume now," Hotaru texted back ambiguously, reminding Mikan of the existence of Natsume's former bullies.

Each little piece of Natsume Mikan managed to gather and put together painted a very different image of him than she could have ever imagined.

Mikan had grown very wary of him by the end of the day; he wasn't just her childhood friend. Sure, he hugged her and smiled at her and chatted with her like her second best friend would. But he most definitely was not the Natsume she had to leave behind four years ago.

He disrespected teachers.

He started fights.

He had a scary reputation.

Bluntly stated, he was the "bad boy hottie."

And Mikan Sakura did not like bad boys.

* * *

He watched her rearrange her things in her locker, waiting patiently and leaning against her neighbor's locker. It was the end of the day, other students swarming around in the halls to leave or to make plans with friends.

"How are you getting home?" Natsume blurted out suddenly, eyes still focused on Mikan's careful hands shuffling about.

She glanced at him for a moment. "I can take the bus or wait for Uncle Kazumi, whichever."

"You could wait for me to finish soccer practice," he said almost pleadingly. Mikan wondered if she turned to look at him at that moment, would she see a charismatic trick he used on other girls?

She frowned slightly. "You can't drive, Natsume. You're only 14 and don't have a car."

"I know people," he answered vaguely. "Will you come watch me practice?"

Mikan finished organizing her locker and packing the books she needed for homework later. She closed the locker and faced Natsume with his innocent face.

"Maybe another day. It's been a long first day, and I still have to finish unpacking."

Natsume nodded, deciding to surrender this argument for now. "I can swing by after and help you move in."

She smiled brightly at him, and he couldn't help but to smile back. "Thanks, Natsume, I would appreciate the help."

"See you later then?"

Mikan readjusted her backpack and nodded, preparing to bid farewell. "The front door will be unlocked so just come in whenever you get back home."

"Oh, wait, that reminds me," Natsume said, starting to walk with her down the hall, "you and your parents are having dinner over at our place tonight. Mom says you haven't bought groceries yet so you don't have anything prepared."

Mikan laughed. "Oh yeah, that's right! Thank you, Hyuugas." She placed her hand over her heart jokingly and made a mock sincere face. "What would we do without you."

Natsume laughed a little, too, but then his face became serious again as they stopped at the intersection of hallways, Mikan needing to go to the front office and Natsume needing to go to practice.

There were fewer students in the hall, but the ones who were still present simply flowed around the two of them like a river parting around a rock in its path.

He stepped closer, and Mikan knew from his eyes what he was going to ask. She was a little suspicious, but allowed herself to look back at him almost stubbornly.

The rumors had to be wrong, she thought as she saw Natsume's lack of confidence and trepidation. A smooth player would have easily asked what he was about to ask. Or was it simply a ploy to make himself appear heartfelt?

"Can I kiss you again?" he breathed softly, almost shyly.

He wasn't the same Natsume; he had a bad boy persona, according to the rest of the school. But Mikan trusted her own judgments rather than the words of others and of gossipmongers. She hadn't decided anything concrete, but she knew to trust her gut instinct.

She smiled, put one hand on his shoulder, put one hand around the back of his neck to pull him in, and stood on her tiptoes to peck his right cheek.

"See you after practice, Natsume!" she said as she turned and went to go find her uncle, leaving the new Natsume with his new smirk-smile.

* * *

Ruka bounced a ball on his knees, alternating left and right, as he drew his knees high. The vigor made him puff for air as he focused intently on the ball going up and down.

"Hey."

He merely greeted Natsume with a nod of the head as his _best friend_ came to stand beside him in line for warm-ups. In the corner of his eye and just through feeling, he could sense Natsume begin the same warm-up, the black and white ball floating in and out of his vision.

There were several moments of silence between the two, filled by the background noise of other boys doing drills and practicing. The coach stood by, arms crossed, eyes keen, ready to correct any sign of weakness.

Natsume couldn't contain it any longer. "Mikan's back," he burst out, but coolly and with as even a tone as he could muster.

"Yeah, I heard," Ruka said flatly.

His eyes didn't stray from the ball, going up and down.

Natsume turned and looked at Ruka carefully, unwaveringly, his own ball still being bounced out of muscle memory.

"You talk to her yet?"

Ruka let the ball drop to the field, one food holding it still and down on the ground. He looked at Natsume.

"I don't know. Can I?" he challenged, almost mockingly, as he looked directly in the eyes of his _best friend_.

Natsume stopped the pretense of trying to practice. "Are you going to try to break us up again?" he asked unequivocally. A soft but sure, sharp intake of breath betrayed Ruka's discomfort and anger over the topic.

"I wasn't - " Ruka shook his head and resisted the urge to roll his eyes, already so done with the conflict. "I was trying to help both of you."

"You separated us. You made her leave for four years," insisted Natsume almost childishly.

"And now she's back," said Ruka emphatically. "We've talked about this. I didn't want to see Mikan go either, but you both needed the space. You were only _ten_ years old."

He looked at Natsume, and Natsume looked back at Ruka, their entire past communicated in their gaze.

Four years ago, much like Mikan, Natsume had two best friends: Mikan Yukihira and Ruka Nogi. Obviously, he had developed strong romantic feelings for Mikan, and Ruka knew about that. Ruka also knew that Natsume was precocious for his age, thinking with a more mature mind than the rest of the class, _knowing_ things.

But sometimes Natsume tended to be short-sighted, so wrapped up in his own thoughts and in his own emotions that he forgot how other people felt or how other people perceived him (though more than one older kid had made it clear what they thought about him); more importantly, how other people perceived him and Mikan.

Four years ago, Ruka made it clear that Natsume would have to stop living in a bubble and reconnect with the world. He had to stop ignoring the fact that he was being bullied, the fact that he depended heavily on Mikan and Ruka, and the fact that they were only ten years old when Natsume started demonstrating how he felt about Mikan.

Natsume turned away from Ruka's unshakable gaze and grumbled, "Yeah." He knew Ruka had made a valid decision four years ago.

A few feet away, the coach blew the whistle, signaling for all the players to gather together.

On their way over, Ruka clapped a hand on Natsume's back amicably. "Come on now. Let's focus on playing."

Natsume nodded in acceptance. Ruka was his best friend; he kept Natsume moving on and on.

* * *

 **Note: There's been a lot of change since the original plot. Please let me know if something does not make sense or if there is a continuity issue. Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

_As always, unedited._

 _Side note: Yeah, this plot has really, truly deviated from what I intended, but my message still stands. I apologize if it sounds a bit too preachy._

* * *

True to his word, Natsume Hyuuga the soccer superstar, a bit sweaty and bit stinky, appeared in the doorway to her house a little over an hour after school had ended.

Of course, Mikan had greeted him happily, but the open door let in the stench of socks and locker rooms and unshowered teenage _boy._

"Ugh," she crinkled her nose, barring him entrance into her nice, sweet-smelling home, "go take a shower first. I don't know how we'll get anything done if we're stuck in one room with your stink. And I don't want you touching any of things if you smell like this."

Natsume rolled his eyes. He'd long been used to the smell, the scent of perseverance and strength and willpower and a long, hard workout.

"It's just sweat. I don't smell _that_ bad."

Mikan gave him a look. He sighed.

"Okay, if you insist." The warmth of an autumn afternoon against his sweaty skin _was_ starting to make him a little itchy. "I'll just take a shower here."

This time, Mikan gave him a different type of look. "Natsume, no. My parents aren't home. They don't get off work until, like, 5."

"So? It'll just be a quick shower. I'll get undressed and dressed in the bathroom with the door locked. You won't see any of it… unless you want to," he said suggestively, leaning against the doorframe, and by her immediate response and facial expression, Natsume instantly knew he had said the wrong thing.

"You know the rules, Natsume," she said in a low voice,

" _Fuck the rules_ ," he hissed, intense eyes boring into her soul, leaning forward oh so slightly, a little quirk of his lip hinting at a smirk. Internally, Mikan flinched at the aggression behind his bold statement and at his cursing.

And suddenly, Mikan knew why they had warned her about him; with his new, sharp look, he could probably tempt any woman into giving him what he wanted. Even though he was so young, if his techniques and his appearance matured just a bit, if they were just a bit older...

"It's the first day back," she persisted, " and I don't want to get into trouble with my parents. And that kiss stunt you pulled isn't going to help. I already told them about that, and they weren't happy. They had half a mind to move right back in with my grandpa in the countryside."

Natsume scoffed underneath his breath. "Well, maybe if you didn't tell them anything - "

"You know I can't do that," Mikan cut in firmly. Natsume wavered, a bit taken aback with her stubbornness. She raised her chin as though to look down upon him. "Go take a shower. At your own house. Then you can come back."

Then she pushed him back slightly, softly, and closed the door.

* * *

Fourteen minutes later, Natsume knocked once more on the front door of the Yukihara house, hair still wet and wearing a fresh, clean pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

With a newfound wariness and almost reluctance, Mikan let him in and let him help her move some boxes around. When minutes had passed where he didn't say anything else suggestive, she began to relax as he obediently followed her instructions and put things where and how she wanted.

They were just two friends, two neighbors, and he was just a regular boy.

* * *

From the moment the Yukihiras stepped into the Hyuugas' house, all smiles and joyous hugs, Natsume knew they were all supposed to pretend everything was normal.

They let him hug her, not for too long, and as one would hug a family member. Immediately, Aoi, the little sister who had recently turned 8 and had vague, fond memories of Mikan, clamored for her attention.

Dinner was pleasant; the adults laughed, jokes were cracked, stories were told, and everyone seemed to be at ease, even Natsume and Mikan, as they slipped back into an old familiar routine from four years ago. None of the parents gave any side glances, none of the parents had an awkward moment.

Then, after dessert, the real test came.

The TV was turned to one of Aoi's favorite cartoons, featuring princess and bravery. Mikan and Natsume were both leaning against the couch, not sitting on it but rather the floor. Almost dutifully, Mikan kept her eyes to the TV as she commented on the show and laughed along with Aoi. Natsume, on the other hand, with one leg propped and his arm resting on his upright knee, seemed to be waiting for something. After finishing a bowl of pear slices between the three kids as the adults washed the dishes and cleared the table and settled in for a long reunion, Natsume spoke up.

"Mikan, you want to go see my room?"

At his innocuous words, Mikan didn't show any visible reaction of discomfort, but she did look over her shoulder at her parents. They had heard, of course, but they seemed okay with the idea as far as she could tell. Aoi didn't seem to mind as she leaned forward in her seat, eyes completely glued to the screen.

"Sure."

With that, Natsume led the way up the stairs, Mikan trailing behind, just like when they were still children and were playing around.

* * *

"We shouldn't leave them alone," Yuka commented, worry crinkling her eyebrows. She took a sip of her white wine and wrapped an arm around her waist. Her husband sat in the chair next to her and put a hand on her shoulder, beginning a gentle massage.

" _Trust_ , Yuka," reminded Kaoru as she poured herself a small glass of wine. "We need them to rebuild our trust. It's the first day, and they both know the rules. We leave them alone for a few minutes and see if we can trust them, see if they can follow the rules, and if they can't, then maybe we need to rethink keeping them together."

Izumi nodded in agreement with the words of his wife's best friend. "Mikan's a good girl. She's stronger now and she knows what's right and what's wrong."

Yuka glanced at Kaoru out of the side of her eye. "And Natsume?"

Natsume's mom downed a gulp of wine before steeling her face just a bit. "We've been trying. The fact that he's been more social and has other friends, we think it's a good sign. I don't think he'll be as dependent on her like he was before. He's refused to open up to the counsellor, and we've managed to get through a little bit so I don't know if we'll ever know what goes on in his head, but we try." Nevertheless, despite her optimistic words, she sighed as well.

Aoi, who was too young to have known what had happened, remained oblivious as she watched the princess and her friends recover the stolen royal jewels.

* * *

Natsume's room was different. It was still painted the same light sky blue, of course, but everything inside had been rearranged or changed as though someone completely new had moved in.

Instead of a boxy TV and video games, instead of small wooden airplane models and a bedspread covered with cartoon trains, instead of posters of action movies and stacks of adventure books, all the furniture and decorations had been replaced with more of a mature aesthetic. Bookshelves had been added, displaying now more manga and comic books. The bed had grown in proportion to Natsume's growing size and now bore dark blue sheets. There was a couple of comfy circular chairs around the room, filled with Natsume's clothes, dirty or clean or worn once, it was impossible to tell. The desk was surprisingly clean and actually had Natsume's schoolwork on top of it. On the walls now were posters of famous soccer players in mid-action and a couple of musicians.

It was simple and straightforward. It was Natsume's room.

After taking everything in and slowly examining every last knickknack in his room for several minutes, Mikan took a seat on his bed. They hadn't said a word to each other, but as Mikan took one last lookaround, she nodded as though approving and said, "I like it."

Natsume half-smiled and strolled over to take a seat next to her. Without saying anything, he leaned in, causing Mikan to place a hand on his chest and hold him back.

"Wait, Natsume…"

"What? I wasn't going to kiss you again. I just want to be close to you," he explained simply, unperturbed by her need for distance. However, he could tell by the slight changes in her facial expressions that she wanted to say something so he backed away. It took her several more seconds.

"Natsume, what is going on? I come back and… You, you," she struggled to find the proper words so she checked herself mentally and took a small breath. "Apparently you date around, and you're super popular now, except you're not because you're mean and tough and a bad boy. You skip class and hang out with the soccer team, and I've heard bad things about the soccer team. Are you doing okay?"

Natsume scanned Mikan's concerned face, big worried eyes and eyebrows knitted together, and he saw the unease on her face yet all he could do was smile softly at her.

He gently put his hand on the top of her knee, fingertips brushing the sensitive inside of her thigh. To his surprise, she moved her leg away, allowing his hand to plop onto the bed.

Something was bothering her. He frowned a little and leaned away from her.

"Mikan," he started slowly, looking into her eyes, "I'm doing just fine. I have friends now. You've come back home. And I've lost weight. Everything's going pretty good right now." He paused, considering if he should say the next words, but then he decided, judging from the vibe he was getting from her that he should. "But it seems like something's bothering _you_?"

Mikan gave an almost imperceptible nod and averted her eyes, answering his question. He could hear her suck in a breath and see her straighten up her posture before responding.

"Natsume, when you lost weight, did - " Mikan wasn't good at beating around the bush. She was good at making friends and being silly and being happy, but she wasn't good at approaching serious topics with tact. "Do you have anorexia?"

Natsume's first reaction of indignation. He backed even farther away, so much space between them. "No! Of course not, Mikan, I - " He ran a hand through his hair as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "I wasn't happy with how I looked before, but I changed that, and I did that because I finally got off my lazy ass and started working out. You know this."

His eyes found hers and searched for something they had long ago: quiet acceptance and understanding. Back when they were just children, Mikan had seemed to _know_ him, know why he acted a certain way, know what he wanted, know why he was the way he was, without him having to say a word, a trait of hers that Natsume had felt immensely grateful for. It was one of the reasons why Natsume knew she was meant to be in his life.

However, after four years apart and after some growing up, Natsume couldn't seem to find the same acceptance in her eyes. Instead, he found the unexpected: frustration, pleading, and just a bit of wild desperation.

"I _don't_ know, Natsume. I was gone for four years, and I didn't know anything about you during those four years. Look, I'm just saying," her hands grew more animated as she tried to convey her ideas through gestures, "there's nothing wrong with taking pride in how you look, but you're super focused on your appearance, and you've become this completely different person who, like, _uses_ his looks to get things like you expect me to fall at your feet."

"What?" he demanded to know, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Look, I don't know who's been telling you these things, but I'm going to clear some of this up. I _don't_ date around, and I never have because I've only ever wanted _you_."

He reached once more for her hand, but she pulled back even more harshly, unable to keep the adrenaline under control.

"That's the thing, Natsume! What you just said, that's something people should say when they're in love and when they're, like, 25 years old. We're 14 years old! When I left, we were ten, and you were talking about getting married and forever and it was just _too much_! I'm just a kid; we're just _kids!_ "

Though she was maintaining a steady volume, Mikan seemed to have screamed those last words at him. Nobody had come to check on them so it was assumed the parents did not know what kind of conversation they were having at the moment.

In hurt anger, he jumped to the defensive. "Kids can still be in love. Mikan, you can't seriously be telling me that you don't believe we have something special between us."

"I'm not saying we're not friends, Natsume. I just need you to know I have boundaries. Our friendship wasn't healthy, and you know it because Ruka saw it, too!"

Natsume groaned and turned away. "Are we bringing that up again?"

Pure shock and anger pumped through Mikan as she bolted upright, the image of a furious harpy in Natsume's room. "Yes, we are because we need to talk about it! Natsume, you are so wrapped up in what you think about things that you don't think about it from - you don't see it from a different perspective. You don't think about what I might need or want. You can't expect one person to meet all of your emotional needs, Natsume, it's not fair and it's not healthy."

Natsume looked at her dryly, almost as though he weren't taking her words seriously. "Are you really quoting your therapist right now?

"Natsume!"

"Those words don't sound like you is all I'm saying," he said nonchalantly, effectively hiding the tormentous storm brewing inside his chest. What was she saying to him? Could she not tell how much it hurt to hear her push him away?

"Okay, so I've been talking to people, and I've learned some things. That's not a bad thing, Natsume. That doesn't change who I am at the very core. I'm just saying…" She took a moment to refocus herself, eyes closing in concentration. "I'm just saying that we need to take some time away from each other."

His eyes flashed and his jaw clenched. "Time away? We've _had_ time away, four years of it! You're back now, and I want to spend time with you. I want you to see who I am now because I feel better about who I am, and I want to enjoy what we have together! So what if I want to kiss you?"

"Because I asked you not to!" she bellowed. "Just because you've worked out and people think you're hotter now doesn't mean you get a free pass in life, and it _definitely_ doesn't mean you can just, like, kiss me whenever you want! You can't just do whatever you want!"

Natsume's eyes flashed again as he stood up. "Oh yeah?" he leered dangerously,

But Mikan was not a push-over.

She met his blunt gaze with one just as strong, hands on her hips, feet steady and willpower solid. "Yeah, Natsume, I said, _you can't just do whatever you want._ " Their eyes clashed for several, long seconds.

Finally, slowly, Natsume sat back down, admitting submission underneath her steady gaze. He would have to rethink his tactics. He knew it would be wrong of him to take without her permission. At the very least, he knew it would be wrong if she was unhappy.

"It's not cute anymore," she barrelled on, "and especially now that we're teenagers, the lines are blurred on what's appropriate and what's not appropriate. And I know now that the way we were acting, the way _you_ were acting, was _not_ appropriate."

Her last words left an impact on Natsume, who was reluctantly contemplating them, chewing them over and over again in his head before deciding whether or not he wanted to swallow them.

Regardless, Mikan continued in a more gentle tone, feeling the steam leaving her almost physically. "You need to learn to stand on your own two feet. I'm still trying to figure out who _I_ am, and I can't do that when I'm trying to be the other half of another person. Maybe I will want to be with you, maybe I won't. Maybe… I'll be into girls or I won't want to get married or I'll fall in love with someone else. All I'm saying is _you_ need to give _me_ some time and some space to figure these things out. I don't think that's too much to ask. In fact, I know it isn't."

She sighed heavily as she went towards the door. Natsume did not try to stop her.

"I don't know who I am right now," she confessed honestly one last time, hand on the doorknob, ready to leave, "and I certainly do not know who you are now."

Then she left, moving on from the conversation and on from what they used to be.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : I think in writing fictional relationships and in real relationships, it's always difficult to be able to judge and portray what is a healthy relationship or not. Some of the time, we have cut and dry rules that we use as guides like physical abuse, but other times, we only have our instincts. I know I've been guilty of thinking of scenarios where the dynamic is not ideal, where the relationships hedges the line of being good and romantic versus being unhealthy and toxic.

As most of you pointed out, their starting age is a bit worrisome, but rest assured, that was intentional. Since this story is AU, Mikan and Natsume don't have the same history as their canon selves and therefore not the same relationship. While it's really endearing to have them start so young, I think in real life, there are implications and repercussions. I started them off so young as, I guess, a sort of message and a kind of stance against certain portrayals of their relationship where they just kinda are together without a strong impetus. In the manga, it's understandable because they've gone through life-or-death scenarios and Mikan seems to carry a _pure_ love that eventually develops. It was just meant to be that they met when they were young, and they slowly progressed.

The Natsume in this story, however, does not want to go slow.

That said, I'm not exactly sure where I want to go with this story. I want to be able to keep it realistic, but I am uncertain in what ways and if it is accomplished.

(I feel like Mikan does speak a bit too maturely for her age, but I also reckon she's open to guidance and through her parents, through their advice, she is able to see where she needs to go and how to progress.)

If you are willing to put up with such uncertainty, I would love if you decide to continue with me on this unknown journey.


End file.
